The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
