oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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