I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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