She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
