dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
