So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
