please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You're like the curious george of whores
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
