Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
