You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
