planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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