first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
