big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
