he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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