Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
