I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Holy shit dude........stairs
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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