i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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