Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
