hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You can't special order awesome
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
