I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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