I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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