So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
