Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
