dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
