therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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