This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
