In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
