just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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