i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
