I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
