I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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