Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
