that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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