I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
