I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
