Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
