I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
