Girls should come with a carfax report
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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