I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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