I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
