barbara walters just said penis...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
