i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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