is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
