so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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