She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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