i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
