They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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