Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
