Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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