its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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