haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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