I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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