The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
