We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
