So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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